Its been four months since I’m get to know this dude. I don’t like to use the term „boyfriends“ yet, because we are not a couple and I have mentioned it several times to my acquaintances that I want to take it slow this time. You also don’t always have to define it, whether you are together exclusively or not. Besides, this is nobody’s business. I like him but I am not in love. Because to fall in love properly it needs much more. I can’t remember the last time I was really in love.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been hurt too many times in my past and I’ve built up a kind of protective wall and that’s why I can’t talk about my feelings very well. I am better at putting it into words than through my lips. It may sound strange but it is something that I have to work on. I used to post everything when I was out with my guy because that was part of being a blogger, but now I’m a little quieter. Here and there comes a post but it must not necessarily always be „He“. What’s the point. You should also not always believe everything that is in the social Medias. Not everything that was posted is real. I have butterflies in my stomach whenever we meet because he really corresponds to my dream man scheme. Everything is easier, simpler with him. He makes me laugh and has this mischievous, somewhat cheeky way and you can also have good conversations with him. He brings the whole package. And yet there are little moments when I doubt whether this could be something. Maybe it is also because of me, that I make unnecessary thoughts and that maybe my inner clock is ticking.
I still remember that I told myself that I would like to focus only on myself in the near future and not let myself be tied to a man again. Maybe also because I have been hurt so badly lately. There we have it again, the protective wall. I don’t want to burn my fingers again. But with him it is just different. Maybe because he is a few years younger than me. Some of my friends have already met him and have already taken him to their hearts. What I find very nice. In the last few days, this thought hums in me, what if suddenly „the spark no longer jumps over?“ This is one of those phrases that I have often heard in the last three to four years. A sentence that I hate very much.
Honestly. You put so much energy and love in a person, does not have to do directly with love but you have such „wishful thinking“ that you would like to spend with your loved one, it sparkles at the beginning and then at some point the energy is gone. Just like that… and I’m kind of afraid of that happening again. Maybe I overthink again or I make myself unnecessarily crazy.
What’s wrong with me? Okay, forget the question. There is nothing wrong with me. It’s just typical of pisces… we worry all the time and they say that pisces don’t like to be alone.
I fade out all negative thoughts and just enjoy the moment in the here and now. As I said, everything is still fresh and I should not make me the pressure what can happen in 5 years everything else enjoy the moment in the now and just let time.
I also don’t want to overwhelm him. He just moved to Zurich a week ago for the job and is starting a new chapter.
How it goes on with us is a question of time and I see on his hearty emojis that I am „not unimportant“ but is all a matter of interpretation as you see it or want to take it. So, now turn off the head. Ignore all negative vibes and try to enjoy the day.
Happy Sunday, Folks. Xo